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double happiness (on​-​me)

from by Cynthia Nelson

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saturday ritual circa 2000, lower east side nyc: sleep in after working late friday nights at pink pony, work out at hamilton fish, take a bath, get a pink pony (porto rico) coffee to go, walk through nolita to double happiness for segue poetry reading series (dark downstairs bar) at 4 pm, write while listening to the poets and wishing i knew the poets better and having crushes on the poets, feeling alienated from having always been on tour but feeling i belong there regardless.

tara suggested i change the word "free" to "weird," which here i did one time but not both and in later versions i change it both times. i do prefer "weird," ultimately.


i used to feel so high in here but now i feel so normal
i used to feel so high in here but now i feel so weird
the ones who are carefully watching
they do not know me at all
the ones who are shaking the snow from their boots
they do not know me at all
they crawl out of dreams and lean against walls
the bricks are so becoming
they become real, they do their tricks
i write down what they're saying
here's to the opening upward
the horizon is always a bird
the ones who are hoping their hearts will not break
i'm hanging on every word
i used to feel so high in here but now i feel so normal
i used to feel so high in here but now i feel so free


from TSDMP 1996​-​2001, released December 1, 2001
when i went to mix these four-track recordings with daniel littleton at his on-me sound home studio (then still in manhattan), we re-recorded the vocals on this song only, and you can really tell the difference a good mic makes.


tags: rock Portland


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Cynthia Nelson Portland, Oregon

cynthia nelson writes songs and sings them and plays them on instruments. in order of appearance: ruby falls, retsin, the naysayer, the sophie drinker music project, cynthia nelson, cynthia nelson band. new album forthcoming in 2017.

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