1. |
Back Yard Show
04:09
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and I couldn’t do the show
there would not be any more shows
back yard grass is overgrown
secret seashells in the tangle
let that participle dangle
let that freaky guitar jangle
can you see the ocean from this angle
secret seagulls on the rooftops
we already work so hard
can't we just sleep a little more
we already sing so hard
can't we just lie down on the shore
of thee back door
there is an ocean in my head, you know
just off the coast of my wavy mind
there's the salty air, there's the briny breeze
secret sea anemones as thank you/please
we already sleep so hard
can't we just dance a little more
they've already closed the bars
there's a show going on in my back yard
couldn't we just walk around
couldn't that just be the show
we could climb on the roof for stars
couldn't that just be the show
from thee front row
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2. |
Mad With Laughter
04:13
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we sat in the afternoon sun
nervous birds watching televised dust
holding tight onto love’s wet metal
that was never going to rust
we sat in the evening gloom
it didn’t matter what we stared at in your room
cinematic pigeons on the roof in the rain
you read The Telephone Book while Crack Wars kept me sane
you wanted me to tell you everything
while I kept trying to figure out what everything was
you said the daylight was worth saving
and I said this whole town is up in arms about the change
not like I was tomorrow’s biggest promise
I just liked to watch you talk
I just liked to watch your hands as they’re describing
as they’re extra-emphasizing
as they’re grasping onto my hands
playing records til 6 a.m.
mad with laughter
I parked your van on the streets of thee Manhattan
while you traveled well in somebody else’s
I looked after Chester rat, and wrote of you
and my band played many shows in thee Manhattan
you said you missed me more at the end of the tour
which somehow sounded like you didn’t miss me
so I gingerly and casually slid poems through the door
and I walked myself home in thee Manhattan
and I walked myself home in the snow
not like you were tomorrow’s biggest promise…
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3. |
Turns Out Just Live
04:11
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sometimes when we stop pretending we're adults
we play the chord of uncertainty
and it rings out and it sings out
like a choir of characters in the story version
of the play that we play like a role reversion
when we act like we act with a deep aversion
to the straight and narrow path
writing heartfelt letters to all the secret someones
feeling strangely precarious when no letters for us come
turns out just live
and if to live is to obsess
then just obsess
sometimes when we read the ending first
we end up reading feverishly backwards
trying to find out how each thing started, well
in particular the good parts, how'd they land into our laps
how'd they strap themselves to our backs (like packs)
but there's really no beginning
one appears onto the pages rather suddenly, most informally
peering 'round unscripted corners with a daring disposition
trying to find one other person
who will help to sweep the stage
when it is over
aren't you interested
and we find ourselves trying to find ourselves
when we’re usually not lost
and we trick ourselves into tricking ourselves
when we have our fingers crossed
turns out just live
and if to live is to obsess
then just obsess
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4. |
The Big Bloom
03:14
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the big bloom is on
and I’ve an itchy eye
the darkness is almost gone
I think I’ll go outside
and plant a garden of heartaches
I’ll dig holes for thee bone breaks
fertilize with the mistakes
grow a trellis-climbing vine
with the research and the w(h)ine
you know it takes a lot of time to develop
these truly great theories of mine
accumulation of winters and of springs
the innovation surprising February brings
not one to pursue every single avenue
yet to walk into the blue
sliver of voluntary sky
where there's flowers in every eye
hanging with the weight
of a previous and great murky rain
now that the door
has opened keep it wide
lie down upon the floor
in the rainbow that's arrived
some call the door a window
where in flew a butterfly
from the edge of the sky
now that the door has opened keep it wide
go back inside
and when the sun comes out drop everything
and run outside, and run outside
when the sun comes out drop everything
and run outside, and run outside
when the sun comes out…
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5. |
Key of Nothingness
05:49
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a lot of days go by
in the key of nothingness
a lot of days go by
in the key of nothingness
there are so many days in the days
in the key of nothingness
there are so many days in The Days
in the key of nothingness
a murder of crows (parades) makes one furious
in the key of nothingness
a spider in a golden womb makes one curious
in the key of nothingness
heated air and running water are luxurious
in the key of nothingness
whether (or not!!)
weather (or not!!)
to stay away from everyone seems to be the plot
to take a break from Planet Earth
seems to help her a lot
the sweetest children inhabit the days
leave their books around
set their toast crusts down
screening through their child business
singing made-up songs
deep into the long, long air
of all the ways to play along
tripping over all the ways
that we occupy the days
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6. |
Nicholas
03:00
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Nicholas came home
with some girls and some samba records
"January 21" was penciled on the wall
we didn't want to leave
because we didn't want to miss it:
Nicholas holding court in the small apartment
"January 21" in pencil on the wall
on his birthday I brought him
“A Poem For Record Players”
it had the date on it
and it was written on his birthday
I thought, "they're both from Massachusetts
and surely they both like to dance"
Nicholas didn't hesitate
he read the whole entire thing aloud
we invited him out when you were out of town
we wanted to buy him drinks, and just hang out
(just wait you out)
we wanted him just to sit there and be that (what?)
our connection to you
but Nicholas was waiting too
he was waiting for Ruth
Nicholas was waiting too
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7. |
||||
blank cassette, I’ve got a
blank cassette, I’ve got a
blank cassette, I’ve got a
blank cassette, I’ve got a
blank cassette
blue sky, I’ve got a
blue sky, I’ve got a
passing cloud, I’ve got a
blue sky
empty road, I’ve got an
empty road, I’ve got the
open road, I’ve got a
passing car
windshield, I’ve got a
windshield, I’ve got a
rain drop, I’ve got a
windshield wiper
white board, I’ve got a
white board, I’ve got a
white board, I’ve gotta
dry erase
clear mind, I’ve got an
empty mind, I’ve got an
open mind, I’ve got a
relaxed mind
blank cassette, I’ve got a
blank cassette, I’ve got a
blank cassette, I’ve got
record and play
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8. |
The Perfect Curse
03:57
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when I walked into the bar we liked to go to
'cause the drafts cost prob’ly half what they're supposed to
you said, "the prettiest girl in the world just arrived"
you talked like that then
when I had my first your second was almost over
it was not your first attempt to win me over
you called upon a night when I'd decided to stay sober
certain nights I was a writer and I behaved
I am not shy
but I do not trust at first
any person coming on
completely strong
lest their best eclipse their worst
lest they speak the dirty word
the word is “love”
the perfect curse
the bloody dove
the first time I really saw you
you were standing in your doorway
with the keys to the yellow van
your band was lending my band
calm and dark-haired, I did wonder
did I wonder who you were
and after you reached out to me
my wonder became thirst
little did I know you'd leave me first
I am undone
when someone calls out the name
inventing rules to the new game
that they are playing without shame
it is a box I have to open
it's a flame
I am a moth
I have to cough
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9. |
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how do I make it go away
this present I am giving to myself
separated from the bar by a barricade
we should leave instead of rereading our lives
you say we can leave, but not while this song is on
so I try to enjoy my new resolve
and wonder if that thing I wrote will be of service
the treatise, will it come in handy
I lent a pen to a stranger
he wrote something on a napkin
I flatter myself the midwife of others' labors
miscalculate the real surprise
walking home with Julia from the bar
found a ceramic turtle on the ground
think I'll give it away to my future
to my confidence, to my pride
to my confidence, to my pride
to my living room, to my bride
to my confidence
do not worry, it is a present to yourself
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10. |
For Days
03:50
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Tuesday making tiny sonnets
with collected words from all the open
streets of Monday, once the birds had returned
the birdsong never waned
look out, suddenly it's Wednesday
which will be over without delay
Thursday's living out its life span
it does its damage, it has its say
days for days he's fine for days
and every one either goes or stays
it's a question of the protocol
falling in love like in a hole
Friday's racing to the ocean
given over to the drama of the drive
won't say, won't say won't say "weekend"
won't say "Sunday," won't say why
what's with all that extra moonbeam
illuminating thoughts of thee sublime
sturdy study based in all the dreamy
secret aspects of the downhill slide
days for days he's fine for days
and every one either goes or stays
it's a question of the protocol
falling in love like in a hole
falling falling in an ocean
falling falling, like in a hole
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Cynthia Nelson Portland, Oregon
NEW 12/8/23:
CYNTHIA NELSON BAND "FOR DAYS" on Curly Cassettes. Related projects: The Grand Style Orchestra, Digressive Combine, Ruby Falls, Retsin, The Naysayer, The Sophie Drinker Music Project.
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